Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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