My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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