I am in a vortex of obligation.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize