he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
