But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
