I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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