I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
