If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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