i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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