I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
