I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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