I hate your face
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
