Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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