My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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