Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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