when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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