I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
