Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
