ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
