We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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