there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
