I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
