No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
