I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
