it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
