My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
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