I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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