Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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