its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Your penis caused this!
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
