I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
