Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
