You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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