There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
