Your face is a jimmy john
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
