I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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