i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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