I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm like, not good at living.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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