I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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