Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
