i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
