I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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