We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
