Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.

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(970): View more from Colorado

I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.

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(713): View more from Texas

Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.

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(317): View more from Indiana

My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!

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(301): View more from Maryland

Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.

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(704): View more from North Carolina

Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.

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(443): View more from Maryland

I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...

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(339): View more from Massachusetts

I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth

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(650): View more from California

Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am

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