Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
