And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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