I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
