i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
