is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
