Your mouth is God's brothel.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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