She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
