Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Is it penis luge time yet?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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