Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
