I want to make a zoo with you.
I looked at my own cervix.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
