My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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