Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
