Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
