Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize