I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize