they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
