Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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