remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
do herpes really smell.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
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