you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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