I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
