I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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