Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
