Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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