Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
