mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
