I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
