but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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