dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
mondays should just be called national damage control day
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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