Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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