Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
